Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
