That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
