Non-Jews are for practice
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
