I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
