Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize