blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
im on a boat
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