yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
