Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
