I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize