matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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