Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Success! We fucked roommates!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
