farters have to be the big spoon...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
