she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
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