i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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