Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
