yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
