I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
