I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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