someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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