if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
