I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
