Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Can you bring me the toilet please
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
