i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
