she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
