If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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