you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
