You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
