i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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