Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
