I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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