Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
