He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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