$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
