and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Houston, we have a blender
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
