You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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