i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
