I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
