Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
