girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
