Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
