I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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