me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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