Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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