Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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