You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
