i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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