my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
