He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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