WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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