no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize