apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
