I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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