$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
