I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Randomize
