Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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