She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just gargled with NyQuil
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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