if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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