Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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