I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
