Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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