i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
