Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
COCAINE IS GR8
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize