My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
