What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
MIDGETS
????
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
