At least make sure they are 18
Why
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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