sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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