one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This is the high leading the old right now
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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