The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
