The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my shit smells like andre
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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