I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
