thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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