This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
